im not ur personal Porcelain Ragdoll

Friday, June 23, 2006

my story 3

i guess many of you would wanna noe what route i'll be taking next?
well..
to be honest..
i actually wanted to quit sch..
yea.. the severity of it....
i noe i noe..

my choice was to go poly.. if not lasalle-sia?
i preferred poly.. but i would probably have to wait 9 months to enter next yr..
i checked lasalle-sia.. they actually have a july in-take..
but i still choose poly over that...

yes.. i was more or less decided already..
i've shouted and screamed and shed tears to be there..
my family reluctantly agreed..

days after the incident.. i really stayed at home..
i was waiting for a more definite and final statement to be made..
but that nv came...

was i really into my new route already??
but im not officially outta jc yet...
no one noes this yet.. except a few friends..
neither do the teachers..

i didn't know what my next move was..
even if i had a slight idea.. i didn't know how and refused to execute it..

i juz self-tortured myself..
staying in my room for entire day to night to day and night again..
mind a blurr.. direction still unclear..
i refused to pick up any materials to study.. try again..
no i had no courage to do so..
i lost all faith and believe and confidence..
i was literally a living body with a dead mind full of useless rubbish worries and thoughts..

i couldnt stand just rotting at home.. being so unproductive..
not in terms of studying since i was quitting sch anw..
but really not doing anything but watching tv and going online..
i tried doing sth.. like read a book.. but couldnt find anything tt interest me..
i took out a shirt and started to cut it up..
maybe i could start some practicing b4 i enroll into the sch of design..
but i was done in just mins..
not long enough to occupy my frustrated self..

precious porcelain ragdoll
1:40 AM